It was a birthday cake, to celebrate the big day for a colleague of mine, Cosmina. Happy birthday to you Cos, remember not long ago how old I told you you look! :)
Now we've all been in that situation. Birthdays are wonderful occasions, but for some it means facing moments of temptation and anxiety when it comes to being offered a slice of birthday cake.
Do I have to have a piece of cake because it's their birthday? Is it rude if I don't? What if I only have a small piece... that would be meeting them halfway. But why should I, if I'm going to feel guilty and fat afterwards? And if I ask for a slither is that bringing attention to myself and the fact that I'm trying to lose weight? I don't want to have any but I don't want to feel excluded by not having any!
Now I know many men reading this are probably thinking, geez, are you serious, just eat the damn cake! But these thoughts are very common, and can cause a lot of distress to people.
So after you have that debate in your mind about whether to have some cake or not, then come the thoughts about what you are going to say when you decline the offer. Isn't it funny that just saying "No thanks" doesn't seem to be enough, that we have to find a reason to justify why we are not going to choose to eat a food that is not recommended as part of a healthy diet anyway.
No thanks just doesn't seem to cut it
As birthdays come around every year we never run out of occasions to celebrate them. And what is a birthday's best friend, cake of course. Rarely is there a birthday celebration without cake. In fact, most celebrations do have some sort of cake or dessert. Think about it. Who has been to a wedding without a cake, an engagement without a cake, a christening without a cake, a kitchen tea without a cake. Anyone?
It really fascinates me to watch the social dynamics that go on during these sort of occasions and the discussion that arises. It stems from dieting, to waistlines, to new years resolutions, to calories. There's talk of "you can eat well tomorrow" and justification of why they should be allowed to eat the cake ie. "I went to the gym this morning." A comment I heard today was "It's a birthday cake, so I'm going to have a piece" (insinuating that they would have a piece as a mark of celebration of Cos' birthday), while another stated, "Sorry no thanks I'm watching my waistline, it's my new year's resolution". Another, our CEO, just simply stated, "No thanks I don't need it".
When I was asked if I would like a piece, I said "No thanks". I didn't add any excuse, I didn't make up a lie, I just said a simple "No thanks". It was amusing that someone responded back saying "Boring" and although said off the cuff as a joke, it was interesting that my decline came with a negative response. This is a very good example of the challenges that so many people face every day when it comes to sticking to their healthy eating plans. Saying no in a social situation is not an easy thing to do!
An article worth reading
I read a great article written by Allan Borushek, registered dietitian, who addresses this topic very well. It's called How to Handle Sabotage. Now as the article rightly states, many people do not intentionally mean to sabotage your diet, even though they actually can be.
Let's go back to today where we have the birthday cake at work and let's just imagine that instead of saying "No thanks", that I said, "No thanks, I'm trying to lose weight" (in all seriousness). Now I could bet my bottom dollar that someone would have responded with, "Don't be silly, you don't need to lose weight", or something similar. Now although these comments come spilling out of people's mouths uncontrollably (I even do it) to make that person feel better, what it's actually doing is sabotaging their efforts to lose weight. It's encouraging them to go against their mind and principles, and rebel against their healthy eating goals. Allan says that sabotage can also stem from a lack of knowledge, a lack of empathy or simple jealousy at your determination to improve your body and health.
This section of the article is especially great as it gives you some tips on what to say in different situations, and how to deal with really pushy people.
'If you have the kind of "helpful" friend who is constantly barraging you with pointless criticism, simplistic solutions for weight loss, and nosy questions about your food plan, try saying something like: "Actually, my approach to weight loss is working out well for me at the moment, but thanks anyway." That ought to get the “butt out!” point across, without sounding too harsh.'
'If saying no just doesn’t work, and the food is still plunked down in front of you, be strong in your resolve; leave the food there and don’t eat it. You might feel a bit rude, but let’s face it, a person who simply refuses to listen to you is ruder!'
Here are a couple of ideas for what you can say in the future when the occasion arises if "no thanks" will just not cut the mustard.
- No thanks, I've just eaten lunch
- No thanks, I'm watching my waistline
- No thanks, I don't eat cake. I'm just not a cake person.
- No thanks, that's a little too rich for me
- No thanks, I'm being good
- No thanks, I'm actually not a fan of _______ cake, I prefer _____.
- No thanks, it looks delcious but I just can't fit anything more in
I hope this post gives those of you out there a little more confidence and some strategies to put into practice when it comes to dealing with social pressure. I think it's important that we can acknowledge how difficult these situations can be and although a difficult skill to master, saying no is one that you will need to conquer in order to stay on track with your health and wellness goals.
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